Thursday Nights

Her heart was pounding loudly. She was shaking with anger as she tried to rush through the files. She hated it when things came up at the last minute. Her boss always assumed she would take up work way past office hours.

Today she had no time to spare though; she had to be home on time. She had tried telling him, she had some important appointments but he had just smiled as he put those files on her desk. One of these days she was going to give him a piece of her mind, she thought to herself.
She brushed aside these thoughts and tried to focus. She could still make it on time if she got it right in one go. She had to; she could not afford to be late today. Everyone was going to be there tonight and she did not want to miss on any of the fun. She waited the whole week for Thursday evenings and today was extra special.

It was nine o’ clock by the time she was able to get out of her office. It had just begun to rain. Oh, just my luck she thought. It was best to catch a taxi she convinced herself. Pay day was just around the corner and she could afford these small luxuries every once in a while. After all, she worked so hard.

She kept fidgeting with her watch as she sat in the taxi, urging the driver to speed up. She was exasperated to see amount of traffic on the road. It seemed the whole city was out on the streets, conspiring against her. She closed her eyes and tried to think of the evening ahead instead.

Family gatherings were so much fun. It was the only thing she looked forward to in her life. The friendly banter, the knowing smiles, the loving concern…
Kitty was supposed to return from Washington today. There was sure to be a lot of drama. She could imagine the scenes. How mother would well up and how she would probe. How Kitty would get annoyed, tempers would flare and Sarah would try to calm everyone down. All the high drama would end in a lot of crying and hugging. Oh, how she loved family dinners.

She was jolted from her reverie, as the cab came to an abrupt halt. Here you are madamji said the driver. Too much traffic Madam he started. She threw in the extra twenty as she ran up the stairs. She could hear her clock chime ten through the front door, as she fumbled with the keys…

She cried a sigh of relief as the opening music played on. She was just in time for the show…

Deepal

Theirs was a typical Love - Hate relationship.From what eight year old Meenal could reminisce, it seemed like Deepal had been around forever.Following her everywhere like a shadow.Sometimes even to places, where her shadow abandoned her.
Deepal was the wiser one.She was always the one to show her the right path,the brighter side.She would finish sentences for her,occasionally, her thoughts too.
There were days she wished she could make her go away,to Neverland maybe.She wished she could put an end to her constant chattering.Sometimes she did too, but then she would regret it the very next moment.
It was always easy to cajole Deepal after a fight.She would never sulk for too long or make her suffer.She would come back to her ever so wise though.Always saying "I told you so".That would make Meenal hate her even more.
But she loved Deepal.She was her only comfort on dark rainy nights when Daddy was away and Grandma was fast asleep.The only one who would hear her sobs as she cried herself to sleep every night thinking of Mommy.Sometimes she would make up funny stories just to make her laugh.She would tell her that Daddy was not really mad at her but missed mommy too and that in the morning everything would be brighter.
As she sat in there, huddled up,thinking about Deepal ,she heard footsteps in the room outside."I told you Daddy would find you in here ", Deepal said. "Hush", she said.
Just then the knob turned and she saw Daddy giving her the sad look he always gave her . " What are you doing in Mommy's closet sweetie ?",he said. "We were looking all over for you. And who were you talking to in there ? ".

Pop corn

As he hit his bed , he couldn't remember the last time he was home. Having a successful sales career meant he was always on the move.As he turned and tossed in bed trying to catch some shut eye, he chanced upon some strewn Pop Corn underneath the bed cover.He could not help but smile,It had all started over popcorn.Ah those were the good old days.All you needed to impress a girl back then was a bucket of popcorn and some coke.Come to think of it , it was not so long ago.Just about eight years.Love was new then.He had this huge crush on his sister's new best friend.For a long time he was hesitant to do anything about it.It didn't seem appropriate to ask her out directly and there always seemed to be so many other people around them .
" Here I got some Pop corn especially for you ! " he had said at the mall that day.They were this huge group of friends and for once he did not mind his baby sister tagging along."Make sure you bring a friend " he told her, knowing fully well who the obvious choice would be.
As soon as he had said it, he realized how lame it sounded.Popcorn especially for you ??!! he asked himself.She smiled rather smugly but the twinkle in her eyes overshadowed everything else.
Oh he had fallen badly for her ! She was not averse to his charms either.Before he knew,he had her hooked.
At the two year mark of their courtship a proposal was more than due.He had just landed a job at a big MNC and he bought the biggest diamond he could afford.She made a beautiful bride and he was the envy of everyone's eyes.
Those first few years of marriage seemed a little hazy .All he remembered was the caffeine shots in office which kept him going and the long fights back home.It was not the bliss they had hoped for , after all.She was demanding as a wife he told himself,in constant need of his time and attention .All he could give her was anger and dismissal in return .He did not know it then that he was loosing her day by day , hour by hour.He had no time no notice,he was engrossed in his work.
Whilst he leapt up the corporate ladder,she had managed to keep herself busy.She had a started a business of her own and her company proved to be the baby she never had.He had been supportive of her career.That is what she needs he had thought.She needed some space of her own.If you give her wings to fly , she may not cling so tightly he had thought.
Things did change.The fights seemed to fade away but so had the love making .
As he lay there in bed,wondering what had triggered the nostalgia,he felt this strong desire to be loved by her.He wondered how he had let love slip through his fingers.As he felt the warmth of his tears the memory came back almost in a surreal way.I am allergic to corn she had said ! He could barely hide his disappointment back then but it was the one thing of her's that he had always remembered.In fact he had jokingly said that his marriage vow to her would be that he would give up on pop corn.Funnily enough that was the only promise he had kept in all these years.
He got out of bed trembling,holding the pop corn in his hand.Suddenly it all became clear to him.As she walked in , she found him weeping like a baby.

Ambition

As she sat there in her bathrobe drifting away, Roma had a vivid memory. Memory of a hot summer day, many years ago, of her Mother, fighting with her baba. At that time she was too young to know what it was all about. But as she stood there watching her mother make her case, little did she know that her mother had changed the course of her life. Years later when Ma told her that she had to fight with her baba to get her admitted into an English Medium school, it had all come back to her. From that day on, the memory was vividly emblazoned in her mind and today of all days it came back to her.
Roma was glad that her mother had managed to have her way that day; also she was surprised that her baba who loved her so much had wanted to put her in a Bengali medium school. But then that is how it was with her parents. Baba was the emotional one and Ma was the one who was more pragmatic, farsighted. She could see why her father had fallen in love with this beautiful and talented Bengali singer. But then she could sense that today her Ma was only a shadow of what she must have been all those years ago. It hadn't taken her mother long to realize that she would have to give up her dream to pursue a career in music after her marriage. She had ailing in laws to look after and there was this young brother in law, almost a child. As her mother had stood there as a young bride, looking into the innocent eyes of the child she knew she was to be a mother to ,she had stifled her dreams, resigned to her fate and told herself this was her destiny.
Back then what her Ma did seemed to be the right thing to do. Growing up she saw her Ma playing the role of a supportive wife, doting daughter in law and mother to her uncle to the hilt. She stood by her father as he reached the pinnacle of success, rejoiced by the sidelines and watched him take all the accolades.
But all these Years as her mother toiled through the life that she had chosen for herself, she made a silent promise to herself. She wowed she would not let her daughter fall into the same trap. She would ensure that her daughter will not succumb. She would see her daughter fulfilling her dreams, achieve success that mattered, that stood the test of the world. Throughout her daughter's growing years she made sure she instilled this sense of freedom and independence in her little princess. Oh so many of her own dreams hovered around her daughter, waiting to gain wings, to take flight.
As Roma struggled to find her way in the world, she knew she carried her mother's burden. She couldn't help but smile to think of how proud her mother was when she got her first job, how the tears wouldn’t stop. That day her Ma made peace with the world. Although Roma was as relieved as her mother was, she could sense that she could only imagine the weight of the cross that her Ma bared.
Today as she sat there thinking of her mother she tried very hard to fight back her tears. She could feel their sting, just as her mother would have felt the sting of betrayal that cold December day not so long ago. She knew it then that it would not be easy to tell Ma, that she was taking a break from work. But she was left with no choice. Her boss had refused to give her the option to work from home after her pregnancy. She decided she would take it easy, that a sabbatical would do her no harm. It had not been so easy to convince Ma though. Only for a short while she told her. She offered to help, said this was bad timing, that she was up for a promotion soon. But the independent streak in her stopped her from seeking any help. She knew she was doing the right thing, the biological clock ticking.
She had told her it was all right to give up her career for her unborn child. She told her it would make her happy. Her Ma did not do a very good job of hiding her disappointment. She was shattered. But what could she have done, she found herself helpless yet again.
Roma had not felt her pain then for she was not a mother yet. Not just yet. Three months later as she held her daughter in her hand, tears of joy burning down her cheeks, she wished the world for her little princess.
As weeks turned into months Roma found herself battling the trials and tribulations of motherhood. There were days when she was overwhelmed by it all, when she cursed her own child. The feeling soon turned into guilt and then remorse. She knew what her heart wanted but was she right to want it? Her husband did not know her anguish; he did not feel her pain. Wasn't motherhood rewarding enough he seemed to ask?
 Day after day as she took care of her baby, life seemed to pass her by. Roma made a promise to herself. She told herself that her daughter would not suffer as she did. She will get to live the life of her dreams, make it big.
The thought possessed Roma like it had possessed her mother not so many years ago. It gave her the strength to go on but then one day she could not take it anymore. Was this what would become of her ambition? Was she so helpless that all she could do was to pass my dreams to the next generation, in the vague hope that they would find wings? Was one Woman's ambition to become the burden of another? Will they always be so helpless?

It was the strength she had inherited from her mother that made her make that call. As she hesitated to dial the number, she wondered if her boss remembered her. But then he had always liked her. In fact her colleagues always teased her about how he flirted with her. She was overjoyed when he agreed to meet her. A rendezvous at a hotel sounded only practical. She debated whether she should tell her husband, but then did he really care? She thought she will tell him once she had an offer in hand. She wondered if he would be supportive. As she struggled to keep all such negative thought at bay, she smiled as she imagined how thrilled her Ma would be.

She snapped out of her daze as she heard the door latch. As she watched him come out the bathroom, with that rueful smile on his face, she knew she had passed the interview. The cross had been demolished she told herself, she had relieved her daughter of the burden.