The agony of a modern Indian woman

I did not become a career woman by choice.The way I see it ,there was no choice.It was never an option.I knew I had to do it.
I think it was my mother who instilled that in me.Growing up I did what everyone else does.I appeared for engineering entrance exams after I finished school.When that didn't work out I looked at other options.IT was big then and that is where I wanted to be.Everyone else was on the same path and I was no maverick.
While I was finishing my grueling final term in college, I got placed in a reputed IT firm.
So working for an IT firm was just the natural progression after a post graduate in Computer Science.So I don't think I ever had to make the choice of whether or not to work.It was like it was meant to be.
It doesn't really hit you till you get married though.It is like stepping into the real world all over again(This time it is as real as it gets).
As a woman you carry immense baggage.Sometimes without even knowing it.
You want to be the perfect daughter in law,the perfect wife,the perfect daughter.You also want to prove it to everyone in office that marriage changes nothing.You are determined to prove that you are as focused and dedicated as before.Too many balls in the air.
Your ability to multitask is put to test day in and day out.You have to take on so much more.Whereas for the guy nothing really changes(Unless you are the kind of guy who has never bought veggies and groceries).
There is so much talk about how a guy loses his freedom and how he has to listen to everything his wife says (Yeah sure ), but nothing at all about what a woman sacrifices.Nothing about how difficult the juggling act is for her.How it is a struggle everyday to do the balancing act.
Lest you protest or complain ,you are told you have the choice to quit.That if you are not up to the challenge(the one you bestowed upon yourself ),you can surrender.
As a woman you are conditioned to believe that it is your duty to take care of the family.You are brainwashed so much so that you even take pride in it.Handing over the brief case and wallet every morning to your husband when he leaves for office(Preceded with breakfast in bed of course) ,makes a perfect picture.
Here we are in the 21st century with women going for the moon and we still believe that the onus on running the house is on the woman.That if there are sacrifices to be made for the family it is the woman who takes the back step.
If you don't you are accused of being over ambitious,Of putting your needs first,Of being self centered,Of being career oriented.
I have a very supportive husband.He helps me around the house and is never very demanding.
One would say he has come a long way from the men of previous generations.He prides in being the modern man.Someone who is supportive of his wife's career.People around me never miss a chance to ell me how lucky I am to have him
(Almost accusingly).I am expected to be grateful.
This is the point where my agony starts.If we are equal then why do I have to be grateful and why does my husband become supportive if all he is doing is his share of work(Less on most times).
My husband says that a part of the problem lies in trying to be the superwoman.That I should not worry too much about what society thinks,that maybe I should not try to do the balancing act,that I should come out in the open and say that my job is very important to me.That I will not sacrifice anything and that I do not want to be the perfect wife,daughter or daughter in law.
I guess I can take that road but what If I want to have it all.Why cannot we redefine what a perfect wife is,what a perfect daughter in law is or what a perfect homemaker is.
Why won't the society make it easier for me.Ease my burden.End my dilemma.
Isn't it high time that we bend the rules and make room for the modern career woman in our society.
Let the agony end.Let the liberalization begin.

To mom on her 50th Birthday

This is a message from a daughter to her Mom on her 50th birthday ..

Today my mom completes 50 years of her life .. I can't think of her being anything but my mother ...what a humongous task it must be .. I guess you start appreciating your mother more after marriage ..you realize what big sacrifices they make for you .. Every time I complain about my husband blissfully watching TV while I toil in the kitchen I realize how my mother did that day in and day out without ever really complaining .. It makes me realize how I have always taken her love,patience and tolerance for granted .. How I was always too busy to appreciate all the small things she did for me ..the very small things which drive me crazy today ..

My mother never had it easy .. As back as I go there were always someone to be taken to the hospital ,someone to be picked from the station ,someone to be served dinner ..When I was growing up I and my uncle were quite a handful and I am sure we did everything to make her life miserable .. I also remember all the laughs we had ..She is someone who doesn't get daunted by difficult situations .. She is one of the strongest women I know and manages to smile through all her troubles .. Today when I am upset because of a bad day in office and I have people coming over for dinner I realize how my mother did all that effortlessly and with a smile on her face ...always selfless and giving ..

I used to hate her for not letting me go out for movies with my friends back in school and roll my eyes every time I got a lecture .. But today I cannot thank her enough for making me the person I am .. for instilling in me to always do the right thing ,for making me fiercely independent and strong ,for equipping me with all the right weapons to face the big bad world ..for forcing me to always see the good in people .. for letting me know that I always have her love and support to fall back on no matter what ...

Dear mom

Today as you complete 50 years of your life l would like to tell you that you are an inspiration for me and that I would consider my life well spent if my children think of me as highly as I think of you .

Love
Mugdha

Women's liberation

Everytime we invite people over for dinner the first thing I and my husband do is to sit down and decide the menu.The second thing we do is argue!!
We somehow always disagree on the number of items on the menu . I of course like the menu to be fancy with at least one kind of snack with an elaborate dinner to follow.My husband's insists that we keep it simple.According to him we invite people over to spend time with them and not to show off my culinary skills.He thinks I want to do this to impress my guests.(I think he has seen he twinkle in my eye after one of those highly successful events )
There is a lot of truth in what he says but men don't understand the kind of pressures we are under.For them the most hassle free way out over a situation is to take this view.To pretend that they don't care what the world thinks of them or what they expect from them(The truth is that they are not the ones who get the credit in the end).
Now that is something that I don't agree.I refuse to believe (and know so too) that men are holier than thou( if it was their boss coming home it would be totally different story).But there is some truth to my dear husband's theory .Maybe sometimes we do tend to go over the top(ok most times ).I know every time I go to someone's place for dinner I am thinking "oh she made three curries" ..How do I beat that ? ..They got desert from outside huh ..I always makes deserts at home (This is when I am swelling with pride)". I can' help worrying about when I should invite them next..I start going through the menu mentally.
My husband meanwhile is licking his fingers and going on about how great the food is(This is the point when I want to hit him ).I so wish men could see our point of view.
I think men and women two totally different views of life programmed.Men have the simplistic view.While women have the elaborate complicated diagram with lots of relationships ..lot of intricacies.. All of them intertwined together..
What does this mean though ?.Does this mean we women are smarter(I would like to think so)? Or are we devious,foxy and duplicitious. I wouldn't like to believe so.. I guess we are conditioned to think that way .. We burden ourselves with all the expectations that we assume are set(In most cases by other women) ..and that if we do try we can get rid of them ..Now that is what I would call Women's liberation.